What is Gaslighting???
In the dictionary meaning, we can say that gaslight refers to manipulating someone by using a psychological method. Cambridge dictionary defines it as the action of tricking or controlling someone by making them believe in things that are not in fact true. It is the process where one is caused to doubt their own beliefs or thoughts.
Common signs of gaslighting in a relationship:
- You feel like you are the one who is apologizing all the time without even knowing what your mistake is. You are the one who is constantly saying sorry.
- Your abuser will shift all the blames upon you and make you feel responsible for all the negative things that had happened.
- Your heart at some corner feels that your weakness is being used against you.
- You don’t find your worth in the relationship. You constantly feel depressed, ignored, and not valued.
- You feel like your key to happiness is lost somewhere. You feel like you don’t know your own mind and heart.
- You stop trying to be heard for fear of being misunderstood and blamed.
- Your abuser even denies the things that you have proof of and hits your weak point.
- You will constantly feel unhappy and dissatisfied and you cannot understand why you are feeling so.
- You often feel like you are not the one who is good enough and you are the one causing trouble.
- You start having the sense that you used to be a more confident, relaxed, and happy person earlier.
Let us dig deeper into how gaslighting would look like: (Some phrases that gaslighters often use)
- You are just overreacting over such a stupid issue…
- You are making things/ you are making stuff up…
- It is your fault because you overthink…
- Why cannot you just let it go???
- Why cannot you take the joke easily???
- You are way too emotional…
- You are overthinking again and again…
- Don’t make such a huge deal out of it…
- You are so insecure…You don’t trust me enough…
- You compelled me to lie…
How to deal with gaslighting???
- Be bold and try to communicate clearly. (I am telling you how I am feeling, is that a problem for you?)
- Setup the clear boundaries (If I ever caught you in this situation, things will be over between us)
- Dare to disagree (I clearly remember that and I even do have proof…Is it still my fault???)
- Listen to your intuitions (Don’t make the mistake of ignoring red flags of gaslighting)
- Give space to yourself (Find yourself, within yourself and make sure you are being gaslighted)
- Seek help from a therapist (There is no shame in take help for your mental health and reconnect with yourself)
